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Sunday, October 16, 2011

A note from the past...


Found this entry while looking through my second journal the other day....and wanted to share it for some reason.


.......

"Ever since we've moved into this house I've been lonely. Lonely because my friends weren't close by; lonely because family was no longer near by to see and be with; lonely because everything I saw was new and different. The smallest things that I knew every day, just never thought about, changed. Smells, sounds, views, people, activities, weather, schedules, routines...and everything else. I used to hate being in a house that didn't buzz with life; doors slamming, cars honking, food in the kitchen smelling up the entire house, people talking, music playing, chairs scooting, doorbells ringing, voices whistling, mowers clanking, dogs barking..... I miss it. As weird as it may sound, I miss the familiarity it gave me. I knew the smell of my house, the usual sounds that floated through it, the voices the usually seeped through the walls, the constant flow of energy that was always giving "life" to everything.

It was happy; joyous; fun; exciting; mysterious; expecting; comfortable; peaceful. I was used to it. I remember the first night I slept here in the new house: everything was quiet. No creeking doors announcing the entrance of my brothers return from a late night at work; no cars, no trucks, no ambulences sounding outside giving usual city sounds; no cats fighting outside; no people wandering in the streets at late hours; nothing. Absalute silence. (with the exception of a few crickets being in the country). It surprised me how much that would affect me. The thing I miss most, are my brothers. They weren't always at the house, of course, but they gave flavor to the days mixture. Even if they stopped by just to pick someone up, or grab lunch before work, they were there. I miss friends as well, of course. Today I was looking through the scrapbooks mom made for me and found some stuff from our play, "The Importance of Being Earnest", and the program that all the cast members received. We had gone to IHOP after the performance to eat and talk. We also signed eachothers programs. As I leafed through what everyone had said, I started to cry a bit. That's what I missed. The familiarity of everyone; the comfort to laugh easily; the freedom to do something and not be embarressed. I missed my friends. The quote below is something I picked up a little while ago - It caught my eye, because that's just the way I feel. "

"Don't cry because it's over....smile because it happened."

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My God's great love for me pulled me out of the mire, and I am blessed to say that I do not feel these emotions as I once did. They are still inside a little...but the flame doesn't burn as bright because I know that every turn I make in life, even if it hurts, is where God is leading me, and if I hurt myself, He will bind me up. He shows His strength through my weaknesses....and that means He shows me His strengths more often than not. And this entry above....this "note from the past", is how He reminds me how far I've come and that the trials I go through every day are 'momentary afflictions'.

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