Monday, March 18, 2013

remember me as a time of day.

If you could be remembered as a time day, what would you be? 

Would you be morning? That small moment of dawn where twilight turns to light; where daybreak arrives and the quiet of the somber night slowly flutters her eyelashes to whisper "good morning" to the world with a splash of purple that turns to orange and gold? 

Would you be mid-day? The largest part of the day where everything is in broad daylight; where business commences, the sun shines the brightest, and everything is completely out in the open? 

Would you be evening? That glimpse of a moment where day turns to dusk; where all the light, colors and warmth from the day are drizzled in the west and then finally blown out in the blink of an eye? 

Would you be night? Those long stretched out hours of blue twilight that are sprinkled with silver sparkling specks, strewn across the sky and beckoning soft, soothing sleep? 

The truth is, we all want to be remembered as something. We want to have identity. Because we need to know that, while living on this earth, we have purpose; we have meaning; worth. We want to know that someone, somewhere is thinking of us and missing us, or at least caring about us. 

We spend a lot of our lives trying to be someone who will be remembered. Well, at least I did. Not because I wanted to be "special" or different or loved by others. But I wanted to matter. I wanted my life to matter; to know that I had done something of importance and that I had been someone and that someone noticed it. I went through a period where I felt alone in everything, and it felt as though no one noticed anything that I did or said and I couldn't wait to be out of the phase so my voice could be heard. 

I feel like I was heard. Eventually. And I was appreciated and I feel like I mattered. But then I went through another phase... where I went back to not feeling important and it hurt. Quite badly actually. I was silenced. And when I was silenced, I had time to think about why it felt so bad.

I had put my worth in something that was worthless. I had put my worth on the weights and scales of men and what they viewed as worthwhile. But when you seek their opinions, and when you receive it, you only want more. And the more you want, the more you tumble into a pit of lies that begins to control your life. You only matter if you match up to someone's idea of what you should be. 

I should have known better. 

I should have known that I am of importance, that I do make a difference, that I do matter. And it's not because I "believe in myself", or because "screw what others say and think, I have confidence in who I am"... it's because I am defined and molded and filled and given life by a Savior who chose to call me His own when I was a wreck of selfish pity and arrogance. It's because a God wanted me so badly that He would not only allow His perfect Son to endure the pain of judgement that I should have born, but He ordained it. He set me apart so that the worries of man should not burden my shoulders or furrow my brow. But that I may live in the promise that this world is going away and my importance resides in Him. I matter because He shows His glory through me.

But all that matters to men is fleeting. It is passing. Just like the time of day. It comes and goes. Now it doesn't matter whether I matter to this world, because I have a future in a new place.

"The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever."

1 John 2:17

"What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short... For this world in its present form is passing away.."

1 Corinthians 7:29-31

So I want to be remembered as a time of day, yes. Maybe evening, just as the sun is setting and it's my favorite time of day. But only because I am a momentary time that will have it's time and then be gone. And I am content with that. Because I am not my own. I am just a time of day in Someone else's story.

"...And they shall call His name Immanuel, which means 'God with us.' "

Matthew 1:23

Explosions in the Sky
"Remember Me as a Time of Day"

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