Sunday, March 17, 2013

these moments.

They'll all pass. All these moments. Good and bad. And when they do, no matter what happened during them, we must accept that they happened and we must realize that they are gone. We can't change what we did, what we said, or what we felt. We can only look back and learn from whatever it was. Laying in bed, glancing at yellow wall paper with pink flowers and green-blue leaves, purple sheets, a blanket striped in pink, purple and magenta with a white-grey background, large window with rainy clouds and grey atmosphere, old fashioned metal bed that creaks every time I move, a lampshade with grey flowers and small stains from something spilled a long time ago... I'm sipping every so often luke-warm mint green tea from a dark blue tea cup, feeling content, but tired, listening to the wind rustle the trees outside, and trying to make my moments right now pass a little slower.

They'll all pass. All these moments. It's hard to imagine that all of this life I'm living right now will just be a memory; that I will wake up one day, not in France, that I won't be surrounded by a foreign language, boulangeries around every corner, small cars, crazy traffic, bicyclists everywhere, kind people, crêpes, cobblestone streets, air that tastes of bread, school in another tongue every day... It will be in the past. As much as it has been a struggle and a test, I don't want it to go by without me truly appreciating all that I have here, have been offered and these memories. And I want to remember them. The little ones. The details. The parts that fill in what I did here in France. The parts that tingled my senses with their odors, tastes, appearances and impacts. 

I still have another three months in France. In fact, exactly three months from the 8th. Yet I know they will whirl by my face and I won't be able to go back to them. I'm really enjoying myself right now, which is a nice change from feeling alone and stressed. It's these little things that do it, like this yellow wallpaper, and the taste of this tea. It's these moments. These moments matter. 

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things." 
Robert Brault

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