Sunday, January 22, 2012


It's strange how you can feel okay at one moment and the next, terrible. Strange how your heart and mind can seem as one and then also as different as can be. My mind makes up its mind as to what it should set out to do, but my heart comes and disagrees - my emotions disrupt my focus and determination. At other times, my heart decides how it should truly feel and be, and then my mind confronts it - my logic gets the better of me and tugs at my sincerity and honesty in what I do. Isn't that twisted?

It still, and always will, amaze me that God gave us a choice in our lives. We are not programmed creations of His, going about with no control over our lives. We live and breathe by His mercy, and we are able to make everyday decisions. In one sense, I want to come out and say, "Thank you! You gave me a choice! You gave me freewill! You did it because you didn't want to force my love for you - because then it wouldn't be true love. What an amazing God of passion and romance you are!" Yet another part of me wants to cry out and yell, "Why!? Freewill!? We could have just followed you had you given the command! Then there wouldn't be all the horrid things that there are in the world today! Then my mind wouldn't be so torn as to what is wrong and right, what I should do, and what my self wants to do."

But that wouldn't be love. Love wouldn't be this passionate, careful, erotic, patient, fleeting, intimate, heated, enraged emotion that overwhelms us. It would be no feeling at all - only response.

It order to accept this beautiful idea of love, we must agree to take the ugly side of love, as well as the good. Is it not like that with the rest of life? Perhaps my head and my heart are saying completely different things. But even though there is a choice, and I must choose at some moment in life, I am grateful for choice. It can be a burden, but it is one of the greatest gifts and freedoms given to man. Rejoice in the choices that must be made. And accept that there are good and bad ones. Isn't that to be expected? If you listen to God, He'll make sure that your head and your heart are focused on Him, and a perfect answer will be sprung from that.

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