Friday, July 23, 2010

It's Complicated....

"Sometimes the questions are complicated....and the answers are simple."

There are often days when I have the most complicated questions. How did I get to this point in life....this EXACT place in life? How on earth? All the moments leading up until a single moment can change in the blink of an eye. Sometimes when I think of my life, I think of a maze, or just an endless map of roads. Paths going left, right, backwards, turning on end, curving, going in circles.... My life is an endless endeavor to reach goals and aspirations. But while trying to get to these goals, I often find myself getting tired and taking a break off to the side of the road. Or losing my way, or finding one way blocked and having to find a detour. Sometimes, the entire road is missing and I can't go on a road in that direction at all. There are so many questions in my life that I have for God. In my head, I know that God is my answer to every single question....even if He doesn't answer my question as I expect Him to. I feel like He does nothing most times (which is definitely not what He does). Often, my body sees Him as a guide or last resort. In truth, He is my only guide, and my only resort. It's so easy to doubt what you're already unsure about. I have a relationship with God...not a religion. At times, however, it can feel like a one-sided relationship....which is no relationship at all. God answers me with clear "yes's", and "no's"....but what confuses me the most (and distresses me even more) is when He says "Wait"...and especially when He says nothing at all. I honestly believe that I learn best, though, when He is silent... I understand Him so much better.

Here's something that I've learned though. When things seem like they are the most complicated that they've ever been..... there is always a simple answer behind the problem. Or sometimes, no answer at all. Sometimes we tend to feed off of self-pity because, in a way, it comforts us. However, that self-pity can drive us into depression, and self-deprivation. I truly believe that God gives us only what we can handle...never more. When we feel like we've been over-burdened and we become weak to the point of hurting ourselves, I believe that a Lion is prowling around waiting for us to break down. Or it's ourselves, not trusting Gods judgement and running off course.

Anywho, thought I'd share my thoughts. It's quite true in my life that I have such complicated questions and tend to be dramatic about my situations (wallowing in my self-pity), but when I find the answer, it's so simple. What is your question like? You're in my prayers.

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