Saturday, September 8, 2012

to live.

Oh how I hate when my mind becomes consumed with thoughts and I become entrenched in a maze of queries. I have realized that recently I haven't been "thinking" as much; at least to the affects of coming to sudden realizations or wonders where I have urges to write here or in my journal. I have been living, breathing, talking, feeling, thinking - yet not fully comprehending, taking it in, or processing all that I have experienced in the past few months. Is that possible? I suppose anything is. However, I have found a couple things out, and yes, come to sudden conclusions about certain things as a result of my thinking through things today. And here is what I remedied from my "situation" as you will. When I wrote in my journal all the time, I complained that I wasn't living enough, and that I was thinking too much; was too passionate for my own good and needed to take things lighter perhaps. I have found that I have done so, and this new being that I have begun to create with new habits is uncomfortable to me. Basically, I didn't think of the ramifications that come with changing the way I acted.

Perhaps I'm not explaining myself as well as I'd like. But I think it's something like this: I was living a certain way, found faults with it and sought to live another way with the hopes and idea that it would be better. In many ways it was better, and yet in many ways there are flaws to it as well. So? There is no perfect way of living, no certain way of going about things. There is no special trick to life - you live and learn as you go along the way. This has often been my plight in life: how is there a way on earth to find the perfect median in every circumstance? Truth be told...there really isn't  a specific recipe for a median, only yourself going back and forth between extremes in an innate effort to remain strait. For the most part it works, but you grow along the way, knowing how far to the left you can go and how far to the right you can go. I'm comforted by the fact that there are no rules to this thing. Just live and let live. 

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." 
Oscar Wilde

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